Surprisingly today I post from home. Rob went into the hospital all packed and we expected a week long hospital stay. His counts were still ok, White blood cells were 1.24 (normal is 4-11) so he still has an immune system. Red blood cells carry oxygen are 135, I think normal is 150-something, sorry I forgot. And finally his platelets are 108 again I forget what the normal is but I know he is ok until below 80 to be careful and below 10 they give a platelet transfusion. His CVC line is not doing well though, the doctor is saying to put him on antibiotics because it is pussing, I just wish they would take it out there is no need for it. I hope they learn from last time and take it out as soon as he has reached his day + 14 which is next Thursday for discharge. By the sounds of it Rob will be staying at the hospital tomorrow and they will put him back on antibiotics. They were surprised that his counts weren't all really low, they call it neutropenic.

I wanted to say thank you to all the people who commented on the last post. It is nice to know there is support out there, I didn't know who all read the blog, it was nice.

I also want to comment on my pregnancy here, I feel the need to defend myself a little. When people find out that I am pregnant of course the normal response is wow that is great, a child is such a blessing. I really feel that way too and there are other factors in this pregnancy that I want to tell you about so if you ever hear my response to your joy you will know why. I am terrified, I know it is a normal thing to question is my child going to be normal, however most people know that Rob went through chemo a year ago and they ask me is the baby going to be ok, so now I have the normal mother feeling doubled, no actually tripled. I also know the hostile environment the baby is growing in. I am stressed out, it is easy to say think happy thoughts when you created your own stress but I didn't create this, and I can't just let the stress in my life go. In the beginning when I found out the issue to me was I had let go of having another baby the moment we found out about the cancer, so for 2 months I never thought about it and I was completely over it, so to find out after 2 months was shock. The first thing I did was call my mom sobbing asking her to tell me God had a plan, would he give me a child, just to take it away, I couldn't go through that. She reassured me God did and everything would be ok. So if you hear my lack of joy that is why I am terrified.
So for the record the chemo Rob had a year ago the doctor said wait one year before trying the success rate of getting pregnant is low. The last chemo treatment that Rob had which was Melphalan on Tuesday of last week is the one that will make him sterile. He has never received Melphalan before last week.