This post goes to Seth and Tyler. I miss my boys so much. One day I will tell them all about this but I hope till then when this is over they forget all about it. The boys have my mom, so I need to be with Rob. I was going to leave last night and his fever spiked and he was shaking, all he wanted was for me to just be there, I don't need to say anything, just be there. It is hard to watch Rob with a fever of 40.2 he is not functional, and sometimes I forget that because there are no other signs like puking or a cold. Rob is such a fighter. I just want to stand by their daddy so he can get better and be there for them. I should go to bed instead of writing this because I am a little emotional. I was thinking I just want a normal day with my boys, I was complaining that I take the boys with me to work I thought that was hard, I would love to take them to work with me right now. Sometimes the boys frustrate me, right now I would take that frustration, because that is normal, missing them is not a normal thing a parent should have to go through, unless of course you are on a vacation, this is no vacation. I complain about all the laundry they make, I would love to do their laundry right now. I wanted them to grow up and dress themselves, I would love to dress them right now. The worst part of being a parent for me is bum wiping, I would love to just wipe their bum. It is sad that they have to go through this right now, but everything happens for a reason. We can not have children anymore and if we didn't have them when we did and so close together they would have never been born. When I see the boys it feels strange like they don't want me there in the sense that if I am not going home with you I would rather not see you at all. I know that is not the case, their world has been turned upside down, they don't get it and I don't know what to do about it. I want things to be as normal as possible for them but every time I try there is a hiccup. They have to go to my moms because Rob got sick and was back in the hospital, they had to go back to my moms because they caught a cold and couldn't be around daddy. I was going to put this yesterday but I forgot. The shots that Rob is receiving makes his bones throb so bad that he doesn't want to move. It is like a pulsing sensation that doesn't go away and tylenol doesn't even touch it. Morphine seems to dull it enough for it to be bareable for him. They took Rob off of the second antibiotic that was making him so sick. I am trying to push him a little, but he hasn't been eating and is really dizzy when he sits up and he puked again this morning. It is so hard I am trying to push him to fight for this but he just wants to lay there and not move. He is not eating which is half of the problem, he does so much better at home, but he wont fight to get out of bed. The nurse was saying that this is normal because his body is working so hard right now. Robs counts today White blood cell 3.1, a huge jump they took a blood sample today and then they will take one tomorrow morning to see how many are actually floating in the blood Red blood cells are 110 Platelets are 22, this is really slow but is much better than yesterday. There is a creatin that is released in your body by your kidney that you have to watch because if it gets really high it can damage your kidney. Robs is borderline, so they want him to drink more and they put him on an IV so that it will filter out his kidney. Rob is having a nap right now and his whole body keeps jumping as if someone is poking him. It is the injection that is making his bone marrow work and that is what is hurting him.